“You’re so beautiful, how are you single?”
Textually, I could go on and on about how many feelings and ideas this statement alone can get out of me. First off, there’s the unsettling idea that although this question is intended to serve as a compliment, it also serves as a reminder that I’ve fallen short by the standards of beauty and its correlation to commitment and romance. Somewhere along the way, perhaps my personality has tainted my appearance to not be enough to keep another person’s romantic interests? Or maybe the statement implies my beauty should be questioned simply because someone else hasn’t already validated it by “sweeping me off my feet” and “claiming me” as theirs.
That’s right young Lindsay from Freaks and Geeks, not all good-looking people are cool or should be romanticised.
With that being said, I urge you all to not only stop accounting beauty as something to be attained and marvelled at by another who is “worthy” but simply as something that although stimulates visual pleasure, shouldn’t automatically be put on a pedestal of pressures for reasons exceeding outside the subject’s control. Unfortunately for many single people, especially those deemed as attractive by their society’s standards, two outstanding ultimatums are projected on their love life. They are either expected to be sexually available to everyone based on their assumed multitude of options or they should be prize possessed by another in some sort of long-term serious relationship. When in all reality, they’re simply just trying to figure out what and who is right for them like the rest of us at whatever pace makes them most comfortable. Also, ironically enough, being “attractive” doesn’t necessarily make things any easier. Surprise, surprise, turns out the grass actually isn’t greener on the other side (note: hold on to that metaphor, you’ll find it reigns as the main theme within this entire rant)!!
Here’s the truth about being single that they (and by “they”, I mean the Man, obviously) don’t want you to know:
- Being single doesn’t mean, you’re some depressed, lonely, person who yearns for love and affection only to be constantly disappointed by all the one-off dates he or she goes on.
- Being single doesn’t always look like the party animal who thrives off of the lustful experiences of a new fling every chance they get, without wanting to settle down anytime soon.
- Being single doesn’t turn you into this hyper-aware and emotionally intelligent life guru
Being single isn’t exclusively any of these things because it’s actually a strange concoction/variation of all these things. Sure, sometimes being single may feel lonely and it sucks, but it also prepares you to put yourself in a position where you learn to rely on yourself for emotional, financial, and sexual security, all the while embracing these things through the romantic encounters you have along the way! See, it really is a weird combination of all three moods! Learning to be selfish in the sense that we take the time to nurture our minds and body with attention and concern only for ourselves allows you to build a strong foundation for the most important relationship in your life, the one that exists with yourself.
Not to be morbid, but we leave this world the same way we entered it; alone. During our time here, whilst we are granted opportunities to share ourselves with others, we are also granted the opportunity to bask in the glorious virtue of our own company and neither one is better than the other (there’s that dang “grass is greener” metaphor again)! We need to stop romanticising coupled relationships because it limelights all its pros without acknowledging it’s cons or the amount of work it takes to enjoy the pros for the long haul. Let’s stop making being single seem like an undesirable and unfortunate involuntary lifestyle when in fact it’s how you choose to spend your time and energy whilst being in this phase that makes you an ultimately better person overall, and partner for your next relationship!
If you like this topic, try checking out the very podcast it’s inspired by, Fully Exposed!
Here’s our episode on Polyamory. Enjoy!